Author: chadwickbaldwin

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About chadwickbaldwin

A Canadian teacher in China

Blankets

Autism, Daily Life, Family, Uncategorized, , , Leave a comment

There is something amazing about a blanket. It is calming and comforting. Everyone should have a blanket.

I look back at Linus from the Peanuts comics. He was always seen with his blanket. My family used to call it a security blanket. He used to wear it as headgear or use it as a whip, but for me, that’s not realistic.

Ford Prefect from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy always carried a towel.  In a way, it was his security blanket. But of all the uses mentioned, wrapping yourself up tightly wasn’t one of them.

I read and hear a lot about weighted blankets helping neurodivergent and autistics out. When I  was younger, I loved heavy blankets, and for years I never equated the two.

A heavy or weighted blanket puts a constant warm soft pressure on your body. That pressure helps you feel safe and calms you down when stressed.

For me, it is like a full body hug. A hug from someone who never judges you, never demands anything,  and never needs to break the hug until you are ready. I particularly enjoy snuggling in a blanket.

Unfortunately, when I got married, I didn’t have the words to explain my need for blankets.  I had always assumed everyone loved them like I do. My wife was raised without blankets. Where she was raised, in the tropics, blankets were more of a status symbol.

For the first few years of marriage,  my side of the bed had blankets at night. And even today on warm nights, she doesn’t use blankets. And heavy blankets are only for cold nights.

We have both adjusted to each other’s needs. Sometimes, with two different blankets on the bed.

But blankets are not just for beds. Our living room has a couple of thin blankets.  On stressful days, I will return home and cocoon myself on the sofa. Or half cocoon on medium stress days.

Cocooning is when you wrap the blanket tightly around yourself.  It gives the same comfort as a weighted blanket. I may lay down completely cocooned and isolated for a few hours.

On less stressful days, I will half cocoon. I wrap the blanket tightly around my legs and lower torso. Then I can drink tea or use the remote control to watch TV.

When in this mode, the TV is mostly for white noise. It doesn’t really matter what comes on. As long as it takes my mind off the day.

Tonight, I am up at a lodge for a church retreat with my family. My children and I are delighted that there are heavy blankets on all the beds. Just sitting here with it is relaxing.

Goodnight, I hope you all have amazing blankets

Routines – just how important are they?

Autism, Daily Life Leave a comment

I recently informed my whole school staff that I am Autistic. It was a terrifying experience. But what does that mean? How can I function as a teacher?

As with any part of my life, routines are very important. I can not stress this enough. Routines are so important. The less stress I can put on my brain the better.

The school I am at has a 6 day cycle. We work 5 days a week, and the days are cycled from days A through F. So each week is a different combination of letter days. It has taken me 3 1/2 years to get used to this. I am never sure what I am preparing for the next day. I want to have spelling quizzes or short review games every Friday. I can’t. I never know what time I have having class on Friday, or what subjects, or how many classes. Don’t get me wrong. I understand the original reason for this; to alleviate loss of class from special events (usually on Fridays). But it is really hard to get used to. And my Neurodivergent students have this same difficulty.

But here’s the thing, routine changes compounded upon each other make things harder. For example. If I come into class on Monday, knowing it is a Day C for example. I have to plan out my marking time, and printing time. And then we have an assembly. It changes the routine. I don’t get to do my marking or printing at my planned time. My brain starts to Itch. Then I rush to do that at my lunch. I go to eat but discover they don’t have my safe food (Penn Bolognese and Salad). That’s another two routine changes. My brain begins to go into a panic. I have a monthly meeting after school to plan for. I know about it, but since it’s monthly, the routine is not there. I start to panic, and my brain begins to feel hot and swollen. What I am supposed to do or say at the meeting? I start to feel really upset. And then I have a student innocently interrupt my lesson with something unexpected. This could be what causes me to just sit down and shut down for a moment.

I have gone silent on my class. Lately, I have begun to just sit on the floor of my class during instruction time. Not because I want the attention, but I honestly just can’t think, and worry about falling over.

I have been honest about my autism with my students since the beginning of the year. I let them know about my quirks, and loud voices, and shut downs. Some of them took it serious, others are just starting to realize that I was not joking.

But they are just 8 or 9 years old. Should they have to deal with that? I ask myself this a lot this year. I have to remind myself that its not that they are dealing with it. I am dealing with it. They are learning about how to be accepting, and open to different peoples. Or I hope they are learning that. There is no assessment for this. No score. No grade.

I have some amazing students, who guide me back. They shouldn’t have to, but they have taken on the task. They quiet the class down, as much as they can. And they ask me about the subject at hand after I have had a short sit down. Prompting me back to the topic I was teaching. This helps me refocus.

Back to my topic. Routines. I am an adult who has been doing this for 40+ years. I still have this difficulty. So, what about my students? As we get closer to the end of the school year, events increase. We experience more disruptions to routines. “Fun” activities, according to the leadership. I understand they want the kids to end the year with some “fun” memorable events. But my 8 year olds, who are still learning how to manage their emotions, have trouble with their routines. Their routine is disrupted so frequently, that we are seeing more and more sensory issues, that lead to meltdowns.

My monotropic brain freezes up when I face a decision. Do I continue teaching 17 students the lesson on grammar? Or do I go console and guide the student having a meltdown in the middle of the room? I actually freeze up. My brain wants to continue what it was doing (The lesson) because changing gears is difficult. But my heart wants to stop everything and guide them, and calm them. I know the rest of the class should learn from this. However, I get stuck. Then I get frustrated because I need to change gears and can’t.

Imagine, if you will, you are in a mine cart moving along a track. (Minecraft players will like this reference). You are going down a hill, and are enjoying the ride. But you realize that up ahead is a switch you need to hit to change directions. You then pull heavily on the breaks. You slow down your cart so that you can go at a speed slow enough to hit the switch. You can imagine how hard it is to pull that break for the entire hill. You know you need to change track. The one you are on will either hurt someone or lead to a dead end. But do you have the strength? Can you do it in time?

My brain works like that. I need to pull on the breaks heavily to change tracks. It’s so much easier to stay on one track, my routine. Change it and I have to pull that break often. Otherwise, I have to deliberately go slow all day. I often take frequent breaks to accommodate this change.

And the children have it harder, because they don’t have the strength to pull that break for long. Not yet. So what ends up happening is their mine cart crashes. They get hurt. They are not screaming and kicking things and collapsing on the ground because they want to. They are hurt, and they don’t know how to deal with it.

Routines help prevent this. Just let us stay on our tracks, or only change the tracks a very little. And always give us a lot of time to process the change in advance.

Autistic Teacher. Out or Not?

Autism, Daily Life, Memoires, Musings, Uncategorized, , , , One comment

Today I had a nice short conversation with my Assistant Principal. Today was our Parent Teacher Conferences, and she was curious how they were going. At one point she asked me if I had told my parents about me being autistic.

At first I didn’t realize she meant my student’s parents. My response was a simple, yes, of course my parents know. They had me diagnosed when I was a child. It was just after I answered that I saw the look in her face. No, sorry. I have been open about it with the students, but not advertised to the parents.

I mean I wear a pin on my lanyard that says “I am Autistic.” They may have seen it, but I have not said anything to them. She asked me why. She has apparently been one of my supporters, without me knowing.

For context, I came out to the entire school staff about a week ago. I have had a group of people that knew for a while that could help support me. But I was asked to make a speech promoting Pink Shirt Day. During my speech I talked about how important the event was to me (even if it 2 months late). I talked about being bullied as a child for being autistic, and how that bullying still affects me today.

I think some of my coworkers clued in as to why I don’t join the many morale building activities at the local bars or the major school dress event for teachers each year. It’s too loud and too overwhelming.

My AP told me it is important to hear my story. It echoed a message I got on one of my posts a few months ago. But I have to be honest, it’s not the easiest thing to bring up.

At my old school I was open about being autistic. This is why some of my current coworkers know. They worked with me then. I had brought both Pink shirt day, and Blue shirt day to that school. I am certain neither has survived without me there.

Blue shirt day is April 2nd. It is now called World Autism Day. I set it up to help introduce neurodivergence to the children. The school was fine about it. But a co-worker there took offense. He was certain that the students would start to diagnose each other and that it would cause segregation and bullying.

I can understand his concerns. But if it is handled properly, with an external example, there should be no problem. I told him to use me as an example. He did not teach about autism, even if the school and I asked. I was the head of his department. The school was holding a charity event to raise money for an orphanage that cared for autistic children. He refused to acknowledge it.

After that he began to act aggressive to me. He knew about my autism, and it made him dislike me more. He used this knowledge to have me removed from my position as department head. And he used to spread rumors about me to the team I had. Some of them have joined me at my new school.

When I joined my current school, I opened up about my autism to my grade level lead. I was advised to not make it public. Parents might use it as a reason to request a different teacher for their child. So I didn’t. I was interviewed by the school magazine on my experience with neurodivergent students. However, I was still scared to talk about my own diagnosis.

After 3 years at this school, I began to open up about it again. But I still have doubts. Angry co-workers or parents may try to use the information about me. They could turn me into a scapegoat. It may already be happening with a parent. I don’t know.

I just want to be a positive role model for other autistic kids. Show them that we can overcome our sensitivities, and our hurdles. It is difficult, but not impossible. But some individuals will intentionally complicate things for us. They add to our regular struggles.

So the question opens up, for my next school I go to. Do I remain open about my Autism, or try to hide it again?