Making Sense of a Crazy World.

November 2, 2026Uncategorizedfiction, Life, mental health, Writingchadwickbaldwin Leave a comment

The world does not make sense. This is not news. But I find that as I grow older, the world makes less sense. When we were young, we could be comfortable in the knowledge that the world would make more sense as we got older. As we grow older we realize this was a lie.

I am not going to lay down what parts of the world are difficult for me right now, because that is neither the focus of this post, nor the purpose of this blog. I know that each of us has things in their lives that make no sense, or are difficult to deal with. Sometimes it is memories of the past. Sometimes it is their current situation. Often times it is financial woes, and worries about the future.

Whatever the cause is, change happens, and change can be hard. Harder for some than others. Change can be panic-causing.

In my case, the realization that things were changing too quickly caused me to shut down when I was near certain people. People who my brain has now connected as unsafe. Oddly enough, these people are trying to be good people. They are trying hard to solve problems, but circumstances have led to my brain shutting down near them. It will take time to move past this, and reset it.

I went to a neurologist about this, and the fact that I have been feeling my brain throbb (not a headache) inside my skull near-constantly for 3 weeks. I don’t know if normal people can feel their brain or not, but I can. I can tell the difference between a headache, and a stress throbb. His solution: take ginko. (I have not yet as I am a broke father/ teacher/ writer) I will look into getting some this week if we can afford.

I have been writing a lot lately oddly enough not here. My fiction writing has been the focus, as sometimes it is easier to escape into fiction than deal with the world around you.

Its odd, when I am relaxed, I read more. When I am stressed I write more. Escapism is wonderful. It helps manage my brain. I can listen to music and write, the combined effect of the deep bass voices calm, and the writing provides an outlet. But as soon as I return to this world, life squishes my brain back into the box it wants to escape.

I need more time to read and write lately. There are, however, only so many hours in a day, and sleep and work are needed to survive. As I move towards some difficult changes that unfortunately must happen, the world keeps turning and life keeps changing. Sometimes I wish it wouldn’t, but it does.

Bass

October 15, 2026UncategorizedAutism, Musicchadwickbaldwin Leave a comment

For reasons, I have been feeling overwhelmed a lot lately. I use the term Overwhelmed, but other use the term over stimulated. Others may say stressed, or that there is too much on my plate.

Over stimulated doesn’t sound right to me, because to me stimulated gives the impression of me having too much energy. It sounds like I am being wound up to go do something, not be worn down, exhausted, and ready to shut down.

Stressed also doesn’t fit the proper feeling either. Stressed gives the impression of deadlines, and overbearing bosses. Not what I am experiencing. Same with Too much on my plate. This term makes it sound like I am trying to do too many things.

I am just trying to survive the days, and stay afloat with a lot of little things in life. And a lunch cafeteria that gets so noisy my brain itches.

I have been using low sounds to calm myself. Listening to Bass singers like Geoff Castellucci, Payton Parish and Miracle of Sound have been helpful but songs with a strong bass guitar will do in a pinch.

The low voices and guitar can be felt through me, and helps hold-off a meltdown or shut down. I have been using them a lot lately. I have a “Bass” Playlist. I am on the hunt for other deep voices to add to my playlist. I am willing to try all genres for now, but prefer calming music, so Motorhead would not help much.

I have always enjoyed deep voices, and my daughter actually complains sometimes that I listen to them a lot off my you-tube account a lot after work.

I have not checked into the science of why it helps, and I might next week, but lately I have not been up to it. I just know the deeper the sound or voice, the more soothing it is, especially if I am able to isolate and listen. Or close my eyes and listen.

Languages

October 11, 2026Uncategorizedchadwickbaldwin Leave a comment

I have been writing a story for a while, and it is a Next generation kind of story based upon works my friends and I wrote back in college. The problem was those stories were often fan-fiction based with OCs added. So of course I had to go back and see what was salvageable for a publishable story.

As I reread the first story, and tweaked it to remove what I could of the copyrighted material, I got to see my old notes on language. You see the first story was actually trilingual. I had the characters speaking English, Japanese and Atlantean.

I had to go back and correct the Japanese, because it was poorly written, and mostly what a teenager could do with a rudimentary understanding of Japanese grammar and a dictionary. It wasn’t incomprehensible, but it didn’t sound natural.

But the other was my own Atlantean with its own grammar and vocabulary. Now my original notes on this language are locked away in a storage space in another country. So I went back over it, and realized that the notes I had in that storage had added a lot from Mark Okrand’s language created for Disney, BUT my story had not gotten that far, and the entire grammar structure and lexicon were 100% mine.

So I reviewed the language the last few days and made tweaks to make it clearer, and recreated my dictionary and grammar notes. I really enjoyed it. And to make my language noticeably different from Disney’s Atlantean language, I spent a moment thinking about what the locals would call their own language and named it Muirmet. (from the ocean).

No I have not compiled the writing system yet but my notes are available on my Patreon. (free)