Mother and child playing video game on television in living room

The draw of Oldschool.

With Sony’s new policy coming out about physical games, and the push of AI into every aspect of our life, I am starting to feel old and worried about the future. In My last post I talked about motivation in writing, and how everything is now about monetization. I worry about that.

I have spent the summer break in a bit of a slump. I brushed off my RPG Maker program (I old school it with the 2003 version). I have been tinkering with a remake version of one of my favourite games. I have been adding functions I wanted in it, and saving it locally. No AI, no pressure, just tinker, and retinker.

This game has be remade many times by the owning company. They have released Mangas, Novelettes and spin off games in the same world. They have created wonderful Lore and extensions for this game. So I have decided to write ideas from the spin off, and extended media and add them to my version of the game. I have also taken time in the past to write world notes for D&D (BECMI if your interested in editions), to use it in that game if I ever start playing again. I may give more details on my other blog: Baldwin Games.

I know I cannot release the game. I know that would be illegal. But the point is not to release the game. Working on it helps me defocus, and just do work for the sake of having a project. I believe it was Adam Savage who said that when you finish a project, you feel a bit empty and need to move onto another project because finishing was never the reason for the project in the first place.

I remember someone, several people actually, in my past trying to explain meditation. They tried to explain how you sit, and focus on your breathing, and let your mind become empty. It has never been possible for me. I have heard that ADHDers and Autistics have difficulty with this. The thing is, you ask us to focus on our breathing. Then our mind does that. We ask if we are breathing right. Should we speed up, or slow down? Are we breathing in the right way? Is it in the nose and out the mouth, in the mouth and out the nose? Or it is in the mouth and out the mouth?

By time we get to the spot where we are copying what everyone else is doing, we try to move into the empty your mind part and a thousand questions fill our mind: How? why does my toe tickle? Did I brush my hair this morning? Why is everyone looking so calm? Why don’t I feel calm yet? Is that a fly buzzing around? I can hear their breathing. Why does she/he breathe so funny?

My father used to tinker or putter in his workshop all the time. When I look back at it, this was the closest he could get to meditation. I am the same. I putter away, and tinker all the time. I don’t have his workshop, and I wish I did. I miss sitting in his workshop with the radio playing. My puttering is writing, editing, making games, crafting, or one of a million no-consequence problems in my life that needs a solution or fix.

I have also been playing on the PlayStation with my daughter. I have tried to play toys with her, but I struggle with dolls, and social role-plays. I have no idea what to do. I will hold Ken while Barbie lists a few things to do, and so I will try to have Ken do these things, but they never seem to be right, and I don’t really know what to make him say. You would think my D&D experience would help with this, but it doesn’t much. The problem is there is no problem. Ken isn’t there to fix anything or to make anything better, he is there to exist in her area. I don’t know what to do with that.

The game we have been playing is Lego Worlds. We started with the Adventure mode, and we got to a spot where we are supposed to wander aimlessly and look for golden bricks to move on. I would get bored or lost, and just wander aimlessly. Then she discovered one of the worlds that gave us the option for “Sandbox mode”.

This one I enjoy. We put our house on top of a Hoodoo like stone pillar. I then build roads connecting all of these stone pillars. We have then started adding buildings to our sky city. We have an art school, a Cafe, a deli, a few homes for NPCs, a Cloud Castle, and a Bank. I have been making these glass bottomed paths and plazas so that the light can still pass through our city and get to the plants. It is something I can tinker at non stop.

My daughter get s a bit frustrated though. When the sun goes down in the game, her she puts her character to bed. That’s what people do at night, right? But here’s the thing. If we both go to bed, the night doesn’t disappear in the game. so we sit in real life waiting for the night to pass. I chose not to participate in this after the 4th or 5th night. I stay up building all night (in game).

My frustration is not connected to the game play. For reasons, my PlayStation account is the one with the bank information and PlayStation online etc. My 8 year old daughter cannot play Lego by logging into her PlayStation account. I have been asking the kids to play on their accounts so as not to delete my save files, and you need at least 2 accounts because you cannot have more than 1 account connected to a controller at a time. But if the children want to play, they have to log into my account, then log into their account to open the game. If they turn on the machine and immediately open their own account, the PlayStation tells them that they don’t have access to the game until my account is logged into.

Effectively they are saying that unless an 8 year old buys her own copy of the game, she needs her Dad to start things first. But not just Lego: Bluey, and Peppa Pig, and Paw Patrol. All games I would never play on my own, and games that are age appropriate, need to be logged into from my account before she can play. The account with games that are not age appropriate for her in it.

Let’s put this into tabletop logic. It’s the same as if she wanted to play Monopoly with her sister, but cannot start until Dad unlocks the cabinet with Roulette in it first. (Dad can we play the spinning wheel game with the money?)

And look I know young children should not have unrestricted access to video games all the time, but that’s for the parents to regulate, not the game console. I am also aware that not all parents are willing to parent, not the point.

In all of this, I have had little focus to spare on the books I am writing, because they require thinking on my part at this point and I just want to defocus and relax.

I hope everyone’s summer has been one of relaxation and renewal. Jury’s out on mine so far.

Wooden desk with laptop, papers, lamp, books, mug reading 'Night Owl', and window showing starry sky and crescent moon

Asimov, AI & Writing

The other day I was chatting with my best friend from back home, and the topic of what we like to read came up. We haven’t discussed this in years, I mentioned I like Sci-Fi and Fantasy still. My specific tastes include books with detailed backdrops. Stories where the events don’t happen in a void but happen in a living world. Books like the The Robot Series from Asimov, or the Mars Series from Burroughs, or the Lord of the rings books from Tolkien.

This lead to her bringing up how a lot of Sci-fi is filled with Technobabble used to fill in the gaps. This makes it hard for her to follow. To which I replied that was the reason I still prefer the older Sci-Fi. My Favourite author in the genre is still Issac Asimov. But I agree that if the technobabble is there to give a McGuffin that saves the world or team, and doesn’t feel the need to answer questions about what or why, it feels flat. I love Star Trek because of it’s hopeful view of the future (Old Trek, not so much New Trek due to it’s more down to Earth take), but it is horrible for this.

We talked about how it is harder to feel motivated to write in this world. How too many writing clubs and classes focus only on writing to make money. (I know money is nice, but…) And unfortunately writing to what you think people will read tends to stomp down the feelings and ideas of what you actually want to convey with your writing. Yes, you can learn to love it as Piers Anthony did when he switched from writing Science Fiction to Fantasy because it was more popular at the time. But should you have to learn to love something?

That feels kind of like an arranged marriage.

The conversation wandered on, but this morning I discovered on my news feed an article reminding people about Asimov’s view on the “Cult of Ignorance” as he put it. It was an interesting article, and probably his most controversial. As I read the article that he wrote in 1980, it became apparent that not only is the article still relevant today, but more so.

In the article he talks about how people have become reluctant to read. Not that they can’t, but that they choose not to anymore. He talks about how people read but don’t read. They will read the title, and skim the rest or read the first paragraph and give up thinking they know everything about the article or book.

As an elementary teacher, I run across this all the time. My students often will listen to books while they draw or play games at home, and I know audio books are a thing, but to me this does not replace the fun and enjoyment of reading the words and picturing it in your own mind. I know a lot of people will argue that elementary students should be allowed to do this to help them strengthen their reading. And I cannot stop what happens at their homes. but if you want to read you need to look at the words. At the decoding level (Kindergarten level), sure, look at the letters, hear how it sounds, great. But if you don’t look at the letters, you are not reading.

This short term thinking made me remember a discussion I had earlier in the year with a co-worker when he found out I had published a book. He asked which i work on first, the world or the characters. My response was that it depends on the book or the chapter. Immediately I was disregarded and he said that the correct answer he had read was characters because that’s what the reader sees. They don’t know the world, but they know the characters.

Unfortunately during conversations like this, if I feel that the other has made up their mind, I don’t have the time or energy to try to change their mind. But this morning, I feel I should explain how this all fits together in my mind space.

If you are writing a story that takes place in this world, right now. you don’t need to make a lot of notes about the world. The assumption is that the reader lives in this world, and will understand how things work, the same with the characters. But that doesn’t mean you should avoid making world notes. Because if your character does not affect the world they live in, in any way, it will be a very short story, or uninteresting. And that doesn’t mean the whole world has to be affected, but those nearby, or their neighbourhood, or their region will have to react and be affected by their actions.

That’s why so many people had issues with the “Problem of the week” TV shows from the 1980s and 90s. Every week everything was reset, and nothing the characters did in the past made any difference. They were written this way so that viewers could just jump in and enjoy the show even if they never saw an episode before. (No streaming back then). But I have seen stories that followed the same format. (Comics were bad for this for decades.)

If I only wrote for what the reader sees, the world would feel flat. Before I start writing anything, I plan out details that affect the world and how that would affect the characters. Is there magic? If yes, does the character know there is magic? How would that appear to them? How does that affect the story, or the world? How does the rest of the world understand magic?

Unfortunately, In games like Dungeons and Dragons and many fantasy books like Harry Potter, magic is treated like science. Remember, that if you understand it and can readily use it or manipulate it, it is no longer magic, it is science that the reader doesn’t understand yet. That falls into the Technobabble that is there to fill up space issue that my friend had problems with for Sci-Fi.

Other questions come to mind that I plan out as well. Who else is in this world? Do they interact with the main character? How do they affect the world the character lives in? What happened before the character arrived here? What may happen after they leave? Did the character make any impact at all in the town? Did anyone care that they were there? if not why are we writing it in there?

I could go on, but the point I am trying to make is, if you make this stuff up as the character runs into it, with no background knowledge yourself, it either turns into wonder for the character or background fluff. And background fluff and Wondrous fluff, if not planned out will eventually contradict another background fluff or Wondrous fluff later down the road in the story. (See the mess that is continuity in the Comics worlds, where superman’s power levels fluctuate from being able to pull several planets out of orbit to being knocked out by Batman with a rock. Or where he could shoot miniature versions of himself out of his fingers that could enter your blood and cure cancer. Or where Batman, has been to multiple dimensions, fought gods, and time traveled to fight dinosaurs, but has taken no efforts to upgrade his gadgets and technology to deal with these threats.

But how does one get around this quickly?

You don’t.

Too many people have decided that with writing, and planning, AI is the key to their success. I have been bogged down with ads for all sorts of AI writing tools for a while now. This AI helps take your notes and gives you an outline. This AI takes your notes and writes a book complete with pictures. This AI does it all from conversations with you, so you don’t even have to type. (Yes there are ads out there trying to shame people for typing.)

Even I started to fall into the whole AI makes writing better, chasm. I am of mixed feelings when I admit, that I did run a lot of my 2nd and 3rd books (Unpublished) through AI to help me organize things, and plan out things. And every time I did, it became harder to keep the book mine. AI, Every one I have tried, eventually tries to write the book for me. It may come as suggestions. This phrasing sounds better. or I think you should write it this way for your character. It may come as whole paragraphs to “Plug into the story” or it may come as a complete chapter rewrite to “match your thoughts.”

I find that funny, the whole I think and match my thoughts. Now, I know some of you will feel that I am completely anti-AI. I’m not. It has its uses. But there is a difference between asking AI to locate contradictions and plot holes between chapters, and letting it write the book for you.

For example. In my first book, one of the characters had sky blue eyes. I thought this was a great idea as she had come from a flying city. However in the second book, I kept writing her eyes as copper brown, because she was always working with machines, and I had forgotten about her eyes. AI helped me rediscover this. I then discovered how many times I talked about eyes in the second book as I reread my work to fix this, I mentioned every character’s eye color multiple times, and came up with 45 different instances in one chapter. I realized that my default for describing people and their feelings always started with their eyes. I also then self-reflected, that is how I see people. and that is not how everyone else sees people.

Because of this, I have been going back over all of my writing, my newest Valarian’s Book and the first book in my Gateways Universe (final name Pending) to rewrite whole chunks and to ask myself, did I really let the AI take over control of these chapters? Did I plan this out, or did the AI plan this out. Last year before my father passed, I remember rewriting the plot of 3 chapters because I liked the “Ideas” that the AI had suggested. Where did the AI get those ideas? From other people’s writings.

Anyways, my take away from Asimov and AI is that I need time to think, and plan out before I write or make assertions. I need to think about what is real, and true, and what is not. I need to read more, which I have been doing. (Not just my own writings) I need to analyze, where my ideas come from, and whether or not I truly like those, or if they are just convenient places to snatch ideas from. And I need to make sure that what I produce and put out into the world is really the best that I can produce.

Grey-haired man black shirt metal arm brace glowing

Arm Oddyssey

It is nice to be typing again, but I can’t do too much of it with both hands still. I may have to switch back to one armed typing halfway through this.

End of April, I of my own stupidity broke my elbow.

I was at the The ShenZhen Book Mall. There was a stage set up to promote the reading month and AI Reading research facility the city is setting up and my daughter was asked to be one of the foreign students to participate in Chinese poetry.

I went down to give her some water, but when I went back my adventure began.

You see in front of this spot was permanent Stairs / sitting area for people to relax and read books. the steps are twice the height of normal stairs, so that people can use them as seats. They stretch across a large area and are capped with escalators on each side.

I took the escalator up, but got off too early for my seat. so I walked across the bleachers closer to my wife, and then tried to scurry up the seat/stairs to her, I took my first step up, with a hop, and misjudged the height. I fell crashing down on the step, with my full body weight landing on my wrist and elbow.

I felt nauseous, which to be honest should have been my first clue that there was a problem. then I couldn’t move my arm, which should have been my second clue. But I was certain that I had just injured the muscles in my arm, and could recover. So I went and found an iced drink, and put the cup on my arm where it hurt the worst and sat down to support my daughter.

Her practice took longer than it should have, but it was worth it. On the way home, My wife went on her phone and ordered an arm sling to be delivered to our house, it was there when we arrived, and I put my arm in the sling for the night. it was a simple sling.

The next day I went to work with my arm in a sling, and joked about hurting my arm muscles. when I got home, my wife had an upgraded sling with metal braces on the side, because she noted that I couldn’t sleep the previous night.

So For about a week I went to work with this metal reinforced arm sling, and by the end of the week I still could not move my arm or hand, and my hand had begun to swell. I took my wedding ring off for the first time since we got married as I was worried about it cutting into my finger.

At the end of the 2nd week, we set up an appointment to see a doctor. I have never been comfortable with doctors in general. Hospitals and doctors give me anxiety. Not the individuals, the idea of them. So I really did not want to go, but nothing was getting better. We went to a clinic that everyone in the school uses. (So they have a good relationship with us, and deal with our insurance well)

The doctore looked over the arm, took X-Rays and CT-scans. Both of these were extremely painful because I had to position the arm in specific ways. (The CT I had to lay down with my arm over my head and go into that infernal machine. (My medical anxiety with my sound sensitivity made it hell on top of the pain)

When the pictures came out, the doctor winced. He recommended surgery, but the clinic could not do it, so they wanted me to find a hospital to do it.

I don’t know anything about English speakign hospitals let alone ones that work with our Insurance. I asked around, and decided on the Hong-Kong University Hospital of ShenZhen. But there website and Wechat didn’t sem to allow me to make an appointment.

After a week we went back to the clinic, to get the arm checked again. the doctor was shocked we hadn’t arranged surgery yet.

The front desk recommended we just call the Insurance company. (Yes, Call, no email, no messaging. I had to hold the phone to my ear and call them.) they helped set up the preliminary exam at the hospital for me.

But here was the kicker. They wanted me to be brought in immediately for the surgery (as it was now nearly 3 weeks since the accident), I would have to be in the hospital for a week, but I couldn’t do that yet. My Son’s visa was expiring and we would need to go to Hong Kong for the weekend to extend it. So we put it off until the following week, On Monday I arrived, and was admitted.

then I sat in the hospital from Monday to Thursday. They took 1 extra x-ray during that time. My surgery wasn’t until Thursday…

So I sat and read for a week. My family would come and visit. My wife and my son would take turns staying with me overnight, as the hospital didn’t supply food and I would need someone to go out to get food.

On Thursday I had the surgery. They inserted a metal plate into my arm along my forearm, and then screwed some fragments back into place on the inside of my elbow joint. They repaired a damaged tendon (One for my wrist), and some of the muscle in the arm. On Saturday I told the doctor I would need to leave to go back to work the following week. They originally wanted me to stay for another week, but consented as I would not need tests, just observation. So on Monday afternoon I went home, but had to return after work for a special brace they were 3D printing for me on Wednesday.

The brace is like a sling, but without the neck strap. I can control the amount of movement with some buttons on the side of my elbow. So I can get some movement and slowly stretch the arm’s muscles.

I have been back to my clinic a few times for bandage changing, but then they gave me a few and taught my wife how to do it.

I have to wear the brace for about 6 months. It is not recommended that I fly for a while. (I will set off metal detectors at the airport now anyways.)

I have been wearing the brace for about a week now when at work, and I take off all devices while at home, to try and stretch, and relax my muscles. I often just sit in my rocking chair with my arm on a velvety Christmas pillow.

I can type, but not at full speed, but cannot lift more than a cup of water in weight. I also cannot extend my arm fully yet, reaching about 100 degrees and 65 degrees when closing my arm. I cannot even scratch my nose with that arm yet.

But in my brace I can point, and do funny dances again in class. (Limited movement, but still movement)

I will keep you updated as we go!