education

Down Time or Extra Cash?

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Some things happened today that made me reflect on how important my down time, and my family time are to me. I got to thinking about part time work.

Part Time Jobs

For those in the know, working anywhere that is not directly connected to your Visa registration, is illegal. 8 years ago this became very pertinent. I worked at an elementary school that owned the next door kindergarten. The Kindergarten had a different name, but was linked. An Example would be if I worked at a School called “Beijing Elementary School” and the Kindergarten was called something like “Beijing Elementary Super-tots.” At one point, the school began to assign teachers who worked in the elementary to have classes next door in the Kindergarten. They got raided by the police and those teachers lost their visas.

So keep that in mind, it can be dangerous to work outside your legal company. Many teachers don’t let that bother them, and they take on private tutoring jobs at people’s houses, or they work in the evening at a cram-school. They figure, the police don’t raid places at night, or go to people’s apartments, so they are safe. And the money is good. (1000RMB per hour, or about $150 USD an hour). I have seen places get raided at night. I have heard about security guards of apartment compounds reporting frequent visitors, who are picked up at the community gate. (If you have study material coming from the house, you get deported.)

So I don’t do it. I have done it in the past, but never for the money. I have done Easter or Christmas events at cram schools for the children. But we are careful about this, I don’t get paid, but instead have my children involved in the events, so it is volunteering. That is permissable, but I still don’t like it.

Family Time

16 years ago, when we were pregnant with my second child, I was offered a lot of part time jobs. Everyone was telling me that a second child will be expensive, and that I will need to work harder to earn more.

I told them no.

Unlike many families here, My wife and I have almost always been on our own. At that time, my wife needed me at home to help out with our son, and the house. She did not need me coming home late. She needed help, and as her husband it was my job to do so.

I went through a time, where I convinced myself I had to work more, and when I was building up the school I was at, I worked a ton of extra hours (I think I timed it at 75 hours per week including class, curriculum development, standards modification, and planning for the new program.) It caused a lot of strain on my family, and myself, and I promised I would never do that again.

Now I help with homework, and enjoy time with my wife and children whenever I can.

Burnout

Now here’s the thought that started this article in the first place. I am working within my limits. Over the last several years I have realized how much I really need my down time. As I study up on my autism, I learn more about myself. I recognize why I feel so exhausted when I get home from a day at work. Just being with people, even kind and nice people, is draining. I still have to mask a lot.

My Mask helps me deal with the fact that sounds hurt. It helps me deal with smell difficulties, and needing social distancing. It helps me contain urges to flap, twitch, or break out in silly dances. While all of these things are much less in demand at my new school, they are still there. And No, doing a silly dance or flapping with people does not help like flapping or twitching on your own. It is called stimming.

Stimming is an action we do to help regulate our own feelings and minds. It helps us focus our minds, and experience our authentic emotions. The moment we are doing it with others, we are focused too much on the other people and it does not help in the slightest.

I have a few students in my class who are on the spectrum. Two of them like my attention. One has tactile sensitivity. He absolutely loves fuzzy things, including my arm. The other cannot handle loud constant noise, and handles this with sharp sudden noises. He enjoys throwing books on the floor to make this sound as he can feel it and it breaks up the sound of a busy classroom.

I love helping them, in my class, or at recess. But If I were to be asked to help them after school I would have to decline. Yes, I can sympathize with them, but I know I would not be much help to them if I am in need of my down time. I truly hope that their families are allowing them to have their down time to recuperate from the day, too.

If you have read any of my earlier articles, you are aware of how exhausting it can be for myself and other autistics to deal with the world. I do not wish to make anyones time more difficult. In fact I wish to do the exact opposite. But I cannot do that, if I cannot manage myself. So no part time work, no to things that break up my family time, or down time.

The Healing School.

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Today was a busy day for me.

One of the things that happened today was the student council lunch. I have done my best to support our student council for the past 4 years. Today was their end of year lunch. One of my students who is in the council invited me to join the lunch. I have never been to one of their lunches before, and so was very honored.

I got to eat and mingle with the student council members. I was joined by Ms Albor, our Council head teacher and head of our school spirit. Ms Jessie, our Assistant principal of student well-being, and Mr Brown, our Principal, also participated.

The table I was sitting with, noticed my lanyard, and one of the girls asked about my autism. I told her a bit about how masking works. It makes it hard for me to eat certain foods. One of the foods that was on today’s special menu was chicken legs. I love chicken. Fried. I explained that I can’t eat the chicken they provided. It had sauce all over it, and I would get sticky fingers. I explained that sticky fingers is a sensation that I cannot handle well.

When she complimented me by saying I don’t act like the autistic people she had to research. I bit my tongue first. She is a student who is honestly trying to learn more. I did not tell her that the expression of not looking or acting autistic is hurtful. Instead, I told her that I spend a lot of my mental energy masking all day. I do this so I appear like everyone else. This was not the answer she was expecting, but was polite about it.

Mr Brown made an amazing speech about leadership. I was so happy to hear it, but to also see the children listening to it. You see my special requirements precluded my ability to be part of Student Council or other similar clubs and activities as a child. That’s one reason I support them every time I can.

All in all, I think I handled this well, and helped someone understand a part of my experience.

Today was also, the day that my school said farewell to leaving teachers. My good friend James (Mr. K) made a speech for me. It was heartfelt. He told me later about his thoughts of “Roasting” me. Every other speech maker had done this to their chosen leaving teacher. However, he decided against it. I’m glad he did.

But after I was expected to say something, and up in front of everyone, my mind went blank. I at first could only say something along the lines of “I have nothing.” Then I realized that it would be considered rude. I didn’t want to be seen as rude, not as I am leaving the school. So My mind scrambled for something to say, but I couldn’t think.

Eventually it settled upon how the past four years have had ups and downs. There have been mostly positives. I would miss everyone.

Like many things in my life: Hours later, when I can think straight, I know what should have been said.

BIBA has been a place of healing. I came in immediately from a school I had been at for a very long time. Near the end of my time there, someone had used the knowledge of my autism as a political weapon. When I arrived here, I had nightmares for months about this happening again.

BIBA, and Dennis, our empathetic leader, has helped me recover from that. You all helped me, whether you knew it or not, deal with almost losing my mother twice. Once from a near fatal car accident, in 2021. Once from cancer. In 2023, My mother was given 3 months to live. She is still fighting the good fight. This school was there to help me figure out my head when I lost aunts and uncles. You where hereto help me deal with many other family catastrophes in just 4 years. My team, James and Kai both helped me when I had shut downs, and meltdowns. When I finally felt I had to reveal my autism here, I was welcomed with open arms.

The Student Support Team welcomed my ideas for Pink Shirt day, and consulted me on ideas for well-being month.

I created a support group for Dads at BIBA, and found an emotional support group in my Trauma Bonded friends.

I met wonderful friends here. My Dungeons & Dragons Team: Including Jeff & Pablo from KG. Friends who have left, or are leaving for other pasture: David Boddington, Richard, Frank, Dr Raven, Mark Nicholson, David Richards, Mark Markham, James Helbringer, Ed,

So many of you made working here special. Was it easy? No. It was exhausting. I would come home from work almost daily and pass out on the sofa. Waking later to play with my daughter or help her with homework.

But it also re-sparked my desire to write, and to help.

We are told everywhere, that if a company says that they are like a family, to run. run away as fast as you can. We are told this is a sign of overworking, and under paying for the illusion of family.

However, despite what we are always told, BIBA became like family to me, and my actual family.

I will miss you all. We will miss you all. Including your insane desire for loud music and seizure inducing light shows.

Pictures supplied by Dr. K.C. Pang. The heart and Soul of BIBA.

Special

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Your not dumb, your just special.

Well aren’t you just special.

Your so special they have Olympics for people like you.

Special kids can’t play with us ordinary kids.

The word special was used to replace the word retarded. Case by case. when people call someone special, they don’t mean it in a good way. Special gets ingrained in our minds along with the many other words people use to describe us. lazy, dumb, slow, stupid, retarded, a monster. Autistic kids grow up hearing these things all the time. and we start to believe them.

Which is ironic, because when I was a young person I started off believing that Special was something you loved more. I had a special bear named Trevor. I had special games I loved to play. I had special books I kept in a special place.

But then you get the school. and for the next 12 years Special sucks.

I wish it ended there, but adult life can be just as hard.

I know I have a hard time communicating some things to people. Heck, certain topics that are normal for some people give me a panic attack to bring up.

How are you? Does this person want a real answer or just an acknowledgment of my existence?

What’s wrong? Where do I start? This could be a 40 minute info dump.

But other things like just talking with a person who is over you in an organization can be hard. I really like my principal, he’s a great guy, and has been on my side since I got here. But, I still have a panic attack if he initiates conversations or asks to talk.

Because it is now ingrained into my head that I screwed up somehow, and need to be better. But no matter how I try, I can’t. Why? Because I’m Special.

I have been trying to help my students do better with their relationships. Teach them how to help be more empathic and welcoming. some are getting it, but others I just can’t connect with, and I SHOULD be able to. Other teachers can.

One of my kids as internalized lazy because other teachers and his parents have been calling him that for years. But I see his struggles. He needs help being redirected, and needs a distraction free area. But the real world doesn’t offer that, and most classrooms don’t either. Not without the label of Special.

Sorry, no focus on today’s article, just needed to type to stop crying.

Thank you all for reading.