Hong Kong

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Earlier this week, my family and I took the fabled train to Hong Kong. It was one of the things everyone tells your about ShenZhen. It’s so easy to go to Hong Kong. It is made to sound like a weekend trip. We took 2 nights and 3 days.

To begin with, yes, the train to Hong Kong is very short. I have been on subway rides longer. It is a 15 minute train ride from downtown Shen Zhen. We sat in a nice, comfortable train, but there is no time to relax. By time you get comfortable in your chair, you have arrived.

Immigration takes about an hour, just like in an airport. Possibly longer than an hour. I know Hong Kong belongs to China, but you still have to go through Customs and Immigration.

There are lots of arguments about Hong Kong and China. From my observations, it is not treated as a part of China, but is treated as a colony of China. You have to go through Immigration between the two, even if you are Chinese. Hong Kong has it’s own Money. Chinese Drivers drive like Americans, on the right, Hong Kongers (Hong Kongnese?) drive on the left. The have different flags. You get the idea. Hong Kong is a country, but it belongs to the Chinese Government.

It’s similar to Canada still being part of the Commonwealth of the UK.

My family made the mistake of getting a hotel room in Kowloon.Yes, that Kowloon. It is no longer a Walled city, but the building we stayed in at least still felt like the mega structure of the past. It was however, mostly Indian and Filipino residents running everything in the building.

Our hotel was a “Guest House” on the 15th floor of a building. This guest house had 18 rooms. There were 5 guest houses on each floor of the building. There was also inside the building: streets and alleys, that led to shops, restaurants, money exchanges, and more on each floor.It felt like a mini city inside this building.

The region around our building was similarly cramped outside in the street. The buildings were uncomfortably close, and the alleys on the ground level were filled with shops. Even the local Mall (Across from the building we were staying in) had everything uncomfortably close.

I know this is not how most of the city of Hong Kong is, we did visit a couple other areas. We went to Victoria Park, and relaxed there for a few hours. And we took a 45 minute yacht ride around the bay.

We will not stay in Kowloon again and I will explain why below.

As you may all know by know, My family is a Spectrum Family. We are all on the Autistic Spectrum at some spot. One of the disadvantages of this, is the emotional weight. Some of us, are empathic. The emotions of others nearby can be felt by us. More people, more weight.

On our second day there, everyone was on edge. We ended up spending half the day locked in our tiny guest room. There were 5 of us in an 11m square room.

We had tried the Mall nearby earlier, but it was too much, and we had shaky hands, as we tried to regulate. We had tempers flaring at each other, we had lots of stimming. We all needed to escape.

Honestly, the best part of the trip for my family was the yacht ride. My Sister in Law set it up for us. Yes it was a full boat. But everyone’s emotions on the boat were positive. We got to see the beautiful night sky line of Hong Kong. We got to talk, take pictures, and the yacht supplied free drinks and snacks.

It was so relaxing, I was disappointed it wasn’t a longer trip. But good things must come to an end.

My family learned some important things on this trip:

  • It’s okay to take time to yourself, and go slow, even when time is limited.
  • You can find good places in anywhere you go, if you look.
  • Be patient with those you love, when they are overwhelmed.
  • Bring your noise canceling ear plugs when traveling.
  • Indian food is the Mexican food of Asia: Tastes good going in, but hurts coming out.
  • Bring cash. Chinese Payment Apps do not work in Hong Kong.

New Home, Happenings & Coping Mechanisms.

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Two weeks ago, my wife and I flew down to ShenZhen, a city on the southern coast of China. I will start working here in August. On that trip we were house hunting. We really only looked at 3 or 4 places. We should have looked at more, but we only had the contact information for 1 housing agent.

That said, I think we found a nice place. Then we returned to Beijing to prepare for the moving company.

The moving company we used is the type that packs your things for you. We did not realize this, and had packed almost everything ourselves. When they came, they wrapped some of our larger things in bubble wrap. Then put it all in the truck to move down south.

This past weekend we moved into the apartment, we have been here for 4 days now. We are still settling in. ShenZhen is a beautiful city, but it is hot. I mean Tropical Hot. It will take us some time to get used to that.

This is the first I have been able to post since we started the move. I returned my previous company’s work computer, so I am left with my old Acer, which runs Linux. It was in the boxes until last night, and we didn’t have internet yet. (It actually gets connected tomorrow). I am using my phone as a hot spot.

Some major changes that will take me a while to get used to:

Age & Time

My son is an adult. He turned 18 recently. We had to extend his visa once already. This weekend, we are taking him to Hong Kong (next city over) to fly out to the Philippines. His Aunt and her family is flying in to go with him. Hong Kong is visa free. So he will be moving out for a few months at least. This has been a point of stress.

I think it gets to him too. He has been overwhelmed a lot lately. He stims a lot more, and has a hard time hearing (like me when I am overwhelmed.) He has taken up holding my hand again as we go out to malls and things. In Western countries, this is a big taboo for two men to hold hands. However, it really helps stabilize yourself when there is a lot going on. I really hope the west gets over its homophobia on this.

His move has prompted us to make some changes. We decided to give the 3rd bedroom to our youngest daughter. She used to share with us. Which means for now, my son is living in the living room. I feel guilty about this. I don’t want him to feel like he has no place to live with us. I want him to always have a place with us. But I am reminded that to his Philippine family, this is perfectly normal.

New City

There is a lot to learn about living in ShenZhen. It is a new city, and the culture is a lot more relaxed than Beijing. Even though we lived the last 4 years in a less developed area that was more relaxed, it is different.

In Beijing at night the children are out until late running and playing. They do this because they typically have schooling and academies and homework that don’t end until the sun sets. So the only time they can play is then. Many parents let them run until they pass out effectively.

In ShenZhen When My wife and I went out at night, there was no children out. They had all been playing during the day in the sun, or shade of the trees. (Much like my childhood, but stuck in the apartment compound). Instead we saw a lot of adults out just for a walk. When we went to the mall, and came home late, there was a fair number of teens and fathers bicycling, but almost no young children.

We have also had to spend time figuring out where to get groceries, and necessities. There is a Costco here in town, but we have not visited it yet. It’s on the list of places to go, but it is on the other side of town. We have found a Walmart Super Center nearby. There are a lot of little shops near our home as well.

My youngest and I went downstairs to the building lobby to play badminton the other day. We got the idea from another father & daughter we saw doing this. We didn’t go out because I want to make sure we have sunblock for her first.

Home

Our new home is very white. The paint does not wash off the walls when you try to clean it. Each room has a desk for homework in it, and the beds are comfortable. We noticed a lack of electrical sockets in the living room. But the compound sent someone right away to install more for us when we asked. We had trouble finding out how to use the hot water, they walked us through it digitally. It’s nice to have the immediate response to problems.

We share an elevator with 1 other apartment on our floor. There is a lot of green space to relax in, if you don’t mind the heat outside.

On the down side, the rooms are smaller than our last place. We also do not have a storage closet like before, so we have boxes piled in each room for now.

I have recommended getting some bookshelves for the apartment so we can organize things. My wife is worried about buying furniture for an apartment. Especially if we choose to move out next year for a more convenient location.

With a few pictures on the walls and some book shelves, this place will feel welcoming. I think it will be an amazing place to live long term.

Coping Methods

I have my rocking chair, and I love using it. It is comfortable to read there. I have not sat to read for myself since I moved to my last school 4 years ago. I miss just reading for myself. I cannot use the TV yet, as we don’t have internet. I have been drinking my night time tea, and reading instead. I think it’s probably healthier to stay up reading then to stay up watching tv anyways.

My son has been playing games on his computer since we arrived. (Final Fantasy 9). Those games help him focus. He plays them over and over. It’s his hyper focus. I used to have notebooks galore on Power Ranger lore and Powers, He dies the same for final fantasy. He has notebooks with handwritten notes just on the monsters, and their data.

My wife cleans, re-organizes, and then cleans again. This is her way to deal with stress. We went for a walk around the block the other night, and I fell down the stairs (2 steps). It scared her, and she is nervous about going out for a walk at night again. I am trying to reassure her that I will be fine. I trip and fall like this nearly every other month. However, it has been years since I did it in front of her.

My Oldest daughter has focused on her Art. She has an Art Attack contest / event going on this month. She has been focusing on that a lot. She is amazing at her work.

My youngest has been having so much fun in her own room. She has her desk organized, her toys organized, and she has been dancing in there. Tonight she was trying to make a Youtube video (She can’t post it, but she wants to make them). I may look into how to post them safely later this month. I don’t want to do it unless I feel it is safe. Many factors are involved in that decision. I also don’t want her time on that to impact the rest of her life and school.

Culture Confusion.

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On our last day of school for the year we had an assembly, like we do every year. This year two grade five girls got a chance to show off their dance ability. It was marked on screen as Jazz Dance, but it was not jazz.

These two girls got up and did a dance very much inspired by K-Pop singers. My co-workers used the term twerking, but I don’t completely know what that means. There was discussion about how appropriate this was. And this brought back memories of conversations I have had in the past since moving to Asia.

My comment, which I voiced at the time: It’s their bodies & their fashion. He reluctantly agreed, but felt his voice should be heard.

Kindergarten Chaos.

Many years ago, I worked at a Kindergarten in Korea. for their year end event, the children performed a dance. It was a traditional dance. The boys were bare chested with sparkly vests and sparkly pants. The girls were wearing a skin-color shirt under a sparkly bra and sparkly shorts.

To my mind they looked like Las Vegas dancers in training. But I kept my mouth shut about it. Why? The parents had been involved with the costume selection, and dance routines. If the parents were happy to see their child in this outfit, in this context, then who was I to push my views on them.

Clothing.

Years later, a previous school I worked at held a charity bazaar. I love charity bazaars, or charity sales. The atmosphere is always very positive.

At this bazaar, a group of 4 of our middle school girls got up on stage and did a dance. It was a high energy, choreographed dance. (K-Pop inspired). A young teacher from California was sitting with me and he commented on the clothing the girls were wearing. Tight jeans, one I think had shorts, white t-shirts, and tank tops. He felt it was inappropriate for them to be dancing in such revealing clothes.

This year

I am not really a fan of K-Pop dancing. I have enjoyed some of the music, but don’t like the dance. Why? I get dizzy watching it. It takes a lot of training and energy to do, and I do not have the balance for this. When I see dancing, I imagine trying it in my head, and I feel like I will fall over. I don’t like this as it gives me a headache.

Not the reason most people expect.

I just cannot watch it. I do not judge the girls, or boys, who can dance this. I respect their ability and dedication. Is it twerking? I don’t know. I still don’t understand that term. Is it sexual? Some will think so. But I am then reminded of the movie Footloose (With Kevin Bacon). The town felt all dancing was sexual. I am not going to be the judge of what this generation feels is, or is not, sexual.

Any adult, who watches teenagers dance and feel strange things below, get help, please.

In my culture certain things are taboo. In Asian culture they are not. My wife enjoys watching this style of dancing. She used to dance it, as did her sisters, and her brother. My youngest daughter (Grade 1) will lock herself in her room to dance to videos. It’s great exercise.

Empowerment.

I was reading about, and watching videos about culture lately. One thing brought up was specifically, Japanese Girls fashion. And then I found similar notes about dance in Korea.

It is seen as a way to promote female empowerment. Girls here dress and dance in ways that would be considered extremely taboo in North America. They do these things to push against the old traditions of how Men got to dictate what they wore or how they moved. They do this to push against the quiet, modest stereotype of the older generations.
These girls, and women rightfully feel that they should be able to express themselves without people telling them what to wear or do. They are not hurting anyone. They are not asking for men to treat them or react to them in any special way. Quite the opposite, they are telling men to stop treating them or reacting to them in a certain way.

My final view, has gotten me in trouble in the past: If you cannot stop pushing your cultural values on the people here, maybe you shouldn’t be here.

North America is not the pinnacle of world culture. We love to think we are, but we are not. What is appropriate in Canada, or the USA, might not be alright here in Asia. And Vice Versa.

Where I do draw the line…

I do have a line though. It involves more comprehension, and it involves my autistic mind.

I love music. And when I listen to music, I cannot help but focus on the lyrics. I understand many people do not do this. I also understand that when people here listen to western songs, they often do not know what the lyrics mean. However, It irks me to see children singing or dancing along to songs about violence, sexual assault, cheating, or other immoral activities. I have been known to tell the adults in the child’s life what the song is about, r just to let the child know that the song has a bad meaning, without going into details. This extends to any media.

I have had enough children over my years in Asia try to copy the language used in an action movie or a rap song to practice from. these well meaning children use swear words and slang that they don’t understand, which makes me clinch.

I had a group of students 20 years ago who spoke mostly in quotes they heard from a counter-strike game. It was frustrating explaining to them that “Game over” did not mean they get to try again. Or that “taking someone out” was not an appropriate term to use while playing with someone in the playground.

Or a friend of mine who was trying to get over her boyfriend who cheated on her by listening to Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” over and over again… That was an awkward conversation.

This is when I get irked. Not by fashion, or dance, neither of which I fully comprehend. And so I try my best to understand the music I listen to. I will often ask my friends and coworkers about the meaning of songs.