The act of coloring is one of my best tools. Each tool is used for different situations, and some can be hidden much easier than others. Tools can be used for focusing my attention, distracting me from over-stimulation, and calming my mind. Tools do not always work. There have been days that I used my tools, and were still overwhelmed.

Coloring is an amazing tool because I can do it under most circumstances. All I need is a piece of paper, and any writing implement. Ball point pens are the best.

Anyone who has seen my coloring, knows it is not for aesthetics. I draw a box or connect lines on a page of text, and then I divide that into triangles. Triangles are the best. Once I have a group of triangles on my page, even if it is just a small section, I start filling them in one by one. When I have run out of triangles, I add more.

One of my earliest memories is coloring. I was asked to draw something, I don’t know what, in kindergarten class. So I took the black crayon, and zoned out. My teacher cautiously shared my completely black piece of paper with my mother. I had wore that crayon completely out, and this apparently was not the right thing to do. Other children were mad at me for using it all. and the teacher just told them that maybe I just liked black.

I don’t. Black is ok, but my favorite colors are Navy Blue and Dark Forest Green.

Even now as an adult. There are meetings I get so lost in that I start filling my notepaper with black (or blue if that’s the pen I have) triangles. At the beginning of the year we had to present to the parents about our curriculum. I remember sitting down after I made my speech, and starting coloring. I filled that my speech paper, and just as I was finishing the last bits, my teammate passed me her paper to work on. She knew I needed it. She knew that if I didn’t, I would have to race out of that room. None of us wanted me to have a meltdown while parents where in the building.

I have mentioned I have some of the best teammates at work right now, haven’t I?

The thing is, Coloring ticks all the boxes. It moves my hand in just the right way that it registers as a type of stimming. But it is nearly invisible to those nearby. Coloring allows me to focus and create order out of what is around me. Triangles are the strongest of geometric shapes. These triangles allow me to focus on them, I can block out the other visual stimulus, and focus on the listening.

In many meetings, my only other option is to close my eyes to listen. Mostly frowned up, as the presenter thinks they put me to sleep. I know, and select few others do too, that If I try to follow what is being said, I will get lost because of lighting, or people nearby, or many other things. I just simply will not be able to follow what they are saying.

If the speaker has visuals, I can follow better, but still sometimes need my coloring.

This is an autistic solution to an AuDHD problem. You see, my lack of focus is mostly a problem due to ADHD, which many Autistics also have. Following conversations and fast speaking is very much an Autistic problem. This means that most meetings are extremely hard to follow for me. I have tried making notes to help, but the act of writing important things down, means I fall farther behind on understanding. I have tried recording meetings in the past, but this caused some at my old company to get very defensive and angry. So my best tool for the job is to color little triangles, and try to get what I can from the meeting, even if it is little to none.

My triangles help me beyond meetings though. Anytime I am feeling overwhelmed, and cannot get into a quiet place, or away from people I will sometimes revert to coloring my triangles.