Author: chadwickbaldwin

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About chadwickbaldwin

A Canadian teacher in China

Down Time or Extra Cash?

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Some things happened today that made me reflect on how important my down time, and my family time are to me. I got to thinking about part time work.

Part Time Jobs

For those in the know, working anywhere that is not directly connected to your Visa registration, is illegal. 8 years ago this became very pertinent. I worked at an elementary school that owned the next door kindergarten. The Kindergarten had a different name, but was linked. An Example would be if I worked at a School called “Beijing Elementary School” and the Kindergarten was called something like “Beijing Elementary Super-tots.” At one point, the school began to assign teachers who worked in the elementary to have classes next door in the Kindergarten. They got raided by the police and those teachers lost their visas.

So keep that in mind, it can be dangerous to work outside your legal company. Many teachers don’t let that bother them, and they take on private tutoring jobs at people’s houses, or they work in the evening at a cram-school. They figure, the police don’t raid places at night, or go to people’s apartments, so they are safe. And the money is good. (1000RMB per hour, or about $150 USD an hour). I have seen places get raided at night. I have heard about security guards of apartment compounds reporting frequent visitors, who are picked up at the community gate. (If you have study material coming from the house, you get deported.)

So I don’t do it. I have done it in the past, but never for the money. I have done Easter or Christmas events at cram schools for the children. But we are careful about this, I don’t get paid, but instead have my children involved in the events, so it is volunteering. That is permissable, but I still don’t like it.

Family Time

16 years ago, when we were pregnant with my second child, I was offered a lot of part time jobs. Everyone was telling me that a second child will be expensive, and that I will need to work harder to earn more.

I told them no.

Unlike many families here, My wife and I have almost always been on our own. At that time, my wife needed me at home to help out with our son, and the house. She did not need me coming home late. She needed help, and as her husband it was my job to do so.

I went through a time, where I convinced myself I had to work more, and when I was building up the school I was at, I worked a ton of extra hours (I think I timed it at 75 hours per week including class, curriculum development, standards modification, and planning for the new program.) It caused a lot of strain on my family, and myself, and I promised I would never do that again.

Now I help with homework, and enjoy time with my wife and children whenever I can.

Burnout

Now here’s the thought that started this article in the first place. I am working within my limits. Over the last several years I have realized how much I really need my down time. As I study up on my autism, I learn more about myself. I recognize why I feel so exhausted when I get home from a day at work. Just being with people, even kind and nice people, is draining. I still have to mask a lot.

My Mask helps me deal with the fact that sounds hurt. It helps me deal with smell difficulties, and needing social distancing. It helps me contain urges to flap, twitch, or break out in silly dances. While all of these things are much less in demand at my new school, they are still there. And No, doing a silly dance or flapping with people does not help like flapping or twitching on your own. It is called stimming.

Stimming is an action we do to help regulate our own feelings and minds. It helps us focus our minds, and experience our authentic emotions. The moment we are doing it with others, we are focused too much on the other people and it does not help in the slightest.

I have a few students in my class who are on the spectrum. Two of them like my attention. One has tactile sensitivity. He absolutely loves fuzzy things, including my arm. The other cannot handle loud constant noise, and handles this with sharp sudden noises. He enjoys throwing books on the floor to make this sound as he can feel it and it breaks up the sound of a busy classroom.

I love helping them, in my class, or at recess. But If I were to be asked to help them after school I would have to decline. Yes, I can sympathize with them, but I know I would not be much help to them if I am in need of my down time. I truly hope that their families are allowing them to have their down time to recuperate from the day, too.

If you have read any of my earlier articles, you are aware of how exhausting it can be for myself and other autistics to deal with the world. I do not wish to make anyones time more difficult. In fact I wish to do the exact opposite. But I cannot do that, if I cannot manage myself. So no part time work, no to things that break up my family time, or down time.

Shopping – Redux

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About a year ago I wrote about my experiences in shopping. I still struggle with this, but I thought I would write again about this difficulty after this weekend’s attempts to shop.

Since we moved to ShenZhen we have been mostly getting our groceries at the local Walmart. I am glad that we have one here. Are there other options? Yes. Have we found or experienced many? Not yet.

During the summer, we were able to go shopping mostly during the week. If you are not aware, weekend shopping can be a bit of a nightmare.

Since work is starting up again, we have to get back into the routine of shopping on the weekend, and slow down on the food delivery. In order to limit difficulties, My wife and I put our youngest into a playground nearby, and had our older daughter watch her while she drew. This way we would only have 2 of us to try to push through the crowds.

Walmart was busy. Back to school sales drew in a lot of extra people, yes. But a lot of extra on top of the regular chaos that is the weekend shopping.

I am lucky that they do not test their air fresheners or other perfumes. The entire upper floor, filled with household goods, was mostly scent free. But once we moved down to the food floor, My brain went on high alert. Loud noise and crowds do not a friend make with the autistic brain.

My wife was able to slide through the crowds easily, and I would get cut off, or have people move way to close for comfort. Aisles were filled with people, and hard to navigate. Often times I would just stand in the main Aisle, while my wife grabbed things. Unfortunately that meant I moved slowly, to not run into people and to keep distance, and stopped a lot. This meant I was prime prey for the food samplers.

I know a lot of people love the food samples at supermarkets. And I do periodically, but not often. I have texture issues with food, smell issues with food, and tast issues with food. So it is rare that I find a sample I am willing to try. On top of that, in a crowded market, all my senses are in overdrive. So for an employee to tap me on the shoulder to offer food, or to push a random thing on a stick or a cup of odd liquid into my face as I am trying to maneuver away from people can be extremely frustrating.

We had an employee rush up to my cart, and put 2 packs of shrimp right in my cart so she could take a picture. No asking, just boom there she was with things pushed into my cart. She then removed them from the cart after the photo, but it was startling.

Clear Headed issues.

Luckily, my wife was happy to lead the way through sections and Checked that I was ok multiple times. She could see it on my face. But in crowds like that, another issue that happens, is I cannot think straight.

Normally If I am shopping, I can look at products, check the expiration date, or the price and spend a bit of time deciding which one I need. If I am overstimulated, I will often grab the first thing that matches my needs. We need bacon? Great, there it is, done, I can rush out of this section. Is it our brand? is it the right amount? is it a good price? I don’t know, but I escaped that crowd for now.

Cost of groceries can be as much as 50% higher than normal because of this.

Arm space.

One of the reason My wife and I enjoy Walmart and other wester style shops, is not just number of customers. I like to have space to move around. If the aisles are too narrow, I don’t feel comfortable going down them. Even if there is no other person in the aisle, I feel like a bull in a pottery shop. I know if I turn, or look around, I will knock something off the shelf. So I have to shuffle sideways into the aisle, or head directly through.

This is especially hard since I am usually carrying a backpack that has our shopping bags and other essentials in it. (Motion sickness things for my family, tissues, etc.)

Smells

I mentioned earlier that I am glad that Walmart doesn’t spray their perfumes and things into the air. There are, however many shops that burn incense, and spray perfumes or fresheners into the air. These smells often give me headaches, but the stronger ones will actually cause my eyes to burn. A few times I had to avoid people who were wearing a lot of scents while shopping. (And sometimes at work) because I just cannot breathe, or see, and need headache meds.

Solutions vs reality.

Some of my difficulties have possible solutions, but they are not always practical.

Headphones: For my sound sensitivity, I could wear my headphones. They block out a lot of the sound. If I was alone, I would do this. But I was raised with the following “etiquette” It is rude to wear headphones when out with people. If I am with my family, or friends, it is rude to wear headphones. They need to communicate with me too, and it is difficult to do that with headphones on.

Weekday Shopping: For my spacial awareness, i could shop with my wife after school. So there will be less people. There are days I may have the energy to do this. But typically after school I have been needed to help my daughter with her homework. I also need my down time to process the day or i will not be able to fall asleep at night.

Wife Shop during weekdays: Some people have suggested that My wife shop during weekdays on her own. I am not the only one in my family with developmental difficulties. My wife suffers from extreme anxiety when she has to go out or do things on her own. She needs a comfort person with her just to leave the house. She has not found someone outside the family yet that she is that comfortable with.

Shopping List: I have several apps on my phone that keep me organized. 1 is a shopping list app. I can and often do use it to keep trak of the things I have to buy. this can include product names, and values. Yes, I may have to stand in the crowd to ge the right stuff, but having it easily visible, helps remove some processing power from me, and I can focus on staying safe.

Health Apps: Another solution I have been known to use is my Health App’s Breathing excercise. I can stand away from people and focus on the breathing, either by closing my eyes, or by focusing on the expanding and contracting bubble in the app.

ShenZhen

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It has now been one month since we moved to ShenZhen from Beijing.

For me, it has been a relaxing month. Yes, we are still unpacking and organizing the house. I expect this will take a long time, as we never fully unpacked over the 4 years we were in ShunYi district of Beijing. Yes, our bedrooms are smaller. Our living room is bigger, and we have a beautiful view.

ShenZhen is what’s considered a New city. it started growing out of a village in the 80s. So in a way, I am older than this city. There is a ton of nature here. Lots of parks, lots of trees, and grass. Even the overpasses here have flower gardens built into them. the flowers and bushes hang down from the overpasses.

The city is smaller than Beijing, which is great, as we can get around better here. We have not explored much of the city yet. We have learned about the different regions by friends, adverts and videos in the display panels of the elevator in the building we live in. My wife and I have had to run around the city a bit. So we do have a bit of an idea. We look forward to exploring more, but in our own time.

One of the things I like about the city is, and this may just be me, but Life here doesn’t feel rushed. Yes it is a city, and is aiming to become a global city, but the general feel of life is much more relaxed. While there was some places in Beijing that you could relax at, the overall feeling of the city was claustrophobic to me. Most parts of the city were densely packed, and the looming buildings could be overwhelming. Most people were nice, but the sheer number of people pressing against you could be overwhelming. In the streets here, I have breathing space.

As an Autistic living here in ShenZhen, so far, my mind is at ease. My family and I can be quite particular with food, there are restaurants with cuisine from around the world, helping us with that. My Smell sensitivity used to force me to use only the “Premier” cars in the ride-hailing app (DiDi), here even regular Taxis are scent free, and easy to breathe in. The ocean is nearby, If I want to walk there and just listen to the waves. We have this beautiful view of the city framed by mountains from our house. I sometimes just go out to the balcony and stare. So far, I have not felt overwhelmed by the population density, or crowds. The malls we have gone to so far have not been too loud, or too scented.

Life is good in ShenZhen.