I have near permanent wounds on my body. Places that I won’t let completely heal. Not because I want to have these, but because I scratch.

Stimming is a way for autistic people to manage themselves. It is a repeated action that we do to either move our focus from a sensation we cannot handle, or to help ground us back in reality when we need to focus our minds. Stimming comes in all sorts of activities, one of the most common ones is the hand flapping. Each stim we design helps us with one aspect of our life.

My son would flap his hands in class when he was in elementary school. The teacher didn’t know what was happening, and I didn’t register it was a problem, so I just told her to be patient.

When things are getting too serious and boring, like standing at a school meeting, I may start to stim. in these situations I may just make a silyl face (often tongue out with crossed eyes). When I’m a bit nervous or uncomfortable, I may do a short dance. When I am thinking or processing new information, I scratch.

I sometimes scratch my head. This sounds normal, but It’s not. I put both of my hands on my scalp and dig my fingers in and move them back and forth vigorously. If I happen to feel something our of the ordinary, up there, I will dig. There have been days in my past, where I found a bug bite, or bump from an old scar, and completely dug it up, leaving a section of my hair matted in blood.

Similarly when I scratch my arms or legs, I tend to pick at bug bites, pimples, scars, and wounds. I don’t do this consciously. I will be lost in thought and then I realise my arm is bleeding, and I have to get a band aid or tissue.

There was a time when I was a teenager, that I found a wart on my finger. (I think it was a wart), and I used a pen knife to slowly remove it. It took me a week to remove it completely. I would cut a section off, then bandage it up, then the next day start picking at it, (and nibbling at it), then cut a bit more off, and bandage it up. It never occured to me to talk to a doctor about this. It was just part of my adjusting myself.

I would never have seriously hurt myself, and I still would never. This however, is hard to explain to people when you have dried blood in your hair, or you are explaining something to your coworker, and you accidentally pop a scab off you rarm, and need a tissue or bandage.

If I have to try to rein it in, so it’s less obvious, I pick at my fingernails. I will run my finger along my fingernails, and if I find any edgers, or irregularities, I will just start picking at it. This leads to part of my nail peeling off, and sometimes, my finger bleeding. Often, however, it just leads to more unven finger nails

There was a time In Korea when I became obsessed with carving my nail. I put my thumb in my mouth, and rubbed it left and right on my front teeth. Over a week of this, I had carved a dent into my thumb nail. and then I would watch it as it grew down my thumb, finally when the dent reached the clippable area, I clipped it and started the process over.

I am often told to “Just stop picking” and I wish It was that simple. If it was a conscious action, it might be possible. But stimming is often an unconscious thing. Sometimes you just do things, scratching, cross eyes, or dancing. and the more you try to ignore the urge, the harder it can become. It is usually best to just do the action and get it out of the way so you can be regulated and move back on task.

To an observer, many of these stimms may seem unacceptable, or even harmful. Imagine standing in a line with all your coworkers for a “Sport Day” parade, and you start stimming by dancing or making faces. It is seen as rude and inappropriate. However, to an understanding individual, they know that I, or other Autistics may not be able to focus, or handle the situations overwhelming sensations without this.

When my students start doing something that could be a stim, I watch and observe before I react. If it is not harmful, then I may not react quickly. Sometimes, it takes me a few weeks to begin dealing with a situation to help the child. I don’t want students to self-harm, even if it is small like mine. I need to be careful that I keep dangerous behaviour at bay while still allowing the child to stim as a way to regulate themselves. If it is an overwhelm, I may be able to remove the cause, but otherwise we want the child to learn how to help themselves with this.