Some things happened today that made me reflect on how important my down time, and my family time are to me. I got to thinking about part time work.

Part Time Jobs

For those in the know, working anywhere that is not directly connected to your Visa registration, is illegal. 8 years ago this became very pertinent. I worked at an elementary school that owned the next door kindergarten. The Kindergarten had a different name, but was linked. An Example would be if I worked at a School called “Beijing Elementary School” and the Kindergarten was called something like “Beijing Elementary Super-tots.” At one point, the school began to assign teachers who worked in the elementary to have classes next door in the Kindergarten. They got raided by the police and those teachers lost their visas.

So keep that in mind, it can be dangerous to work outside your legal company. Many teachers don’t let that bother them, and they take on private tutoring jobs at people’s houses, or they work in the evening at a cram-school. They figure, the police don’t raid places at night, or go to people’s apartments, so they are safe. And the money is good. (1000RMB per hour, or about $150 USD an hour). I have seen places get raided at night. I have heard about security guards of apartment compounds reporting frequent visitors, who are picked up at the community gate. (If you have study material coming from the house, you get deported.)

So I don’t do it. I have done it in the past, but never for the money. I have done Easter or Christmas events at cram schools for the children. But we are careful about this, I don’t get paid, but instead have my children involved in the events, so it is volunteering. That is permissable, but I still don’t like it.

Family Time

16 years ago, when we were pregnant with my second child, I was offered a lot of part time jobs. Everyone was telling me that a second child will be expensive, and that I will need to work harder to earn more.

I told them no.

Unlike many families here, My wife and I have almost always been on our own. At that time, my wife needed me at home to help out with our son, and the house. She did not need me coming home late. She needed help, and as her husband it was my job to do so.

I went through a time, where I convinced myself I had to work more, and when I was building up the school I was at, I worked a ton of extra hours (I think I timed it at 75 hours per week including class, curriculum development, standards modification, and planning for the new program.) It caused a lot of strain on my family, and myself, and I promised I would never do that again.

Now I help with homework, and enjoy time with my wife and children whenever I can.

Burnout

Now here’s the thought that started this article in the first place. I am working within my limits. Over the last several years I have realized how much I really need my down time. As I study up on my autism, I learn more about myself. I recognize why I feel so exhausted when I get home from a day at work. Just being with people, even kind and nice people, is draining. I still have to mask a lot.

My Mask helps me deal with the fact that sounds hurt. It helps me deal with smell difficulties, and needing social distancing. It helps me contain urges to flap, twitch, or break out in silly dances. While all of these things are much less in demand at my new school, they are still there. And No, doing a silly dance or flapping with people does not help like flapping or twitching on your own. It is called stimming.

Stimming is an action we do to help regulate our own feelings and minds. It helps us focus our minds, and experience our authentic emotions. The moment we are doing it with others, we are focused too much on the other people and it does not help in the slightest.

I have a few students in my class who are on the spectrum. Two of them like my attention. One has tactile sensitivity. He absolutely loves fuzzy things, including my arm. The other cannot handle loud constant noise, and handles this with sharp sudden noises. He enjoys throwing books on the floor to make this sound as he can feel it and it breaks up the sound of a busy classroom.

I love helping them, in my class, or at recess. But If I were to be asked to help them after school I would have to decline. Yes, I can sympathize with them, but I know I would not be much help to them if I am in need of my down time. I truly hope that their families are allowing them to have their down time to recuperate from the day, too.

If you have read any of my earlier articles, you are aware of how exhausting it can be for myself and other autistics to deal with the world. I do not wish to make anyones time more difficult. In fact I wish to do the exact opposite. But I cannot do that, if I cannot manage myself. So no part time work, no to things that break up my family time, or down time.