I noticed something when I first moved to Korea back in 1998. For some unknown reason, I felt lighter. I felt like I didn’t need to hide who I was so much. Like many things from that era of my life, it took me a long time to figure it out.

My time in Korea was amazing. I want to share some of the things that made it so great for me. I will also share some of the things that were not so great.

No need to hide.

First of all, hiding as a Caucasian man in Korea 1998 would have been impossible. I was different. People used to run across the street to say “Hello” before booting away giggling. It was an interesting time of my life.

Subconsciously, I realized that since there was going to be understanding issues. There was going to be communication and cultural differences. I used that. If there was going to be communication difficulties, I should simplify.

I started asking questions. I started acting silly. I started making observations out loud. I noticed, the more I did this, the more people seemed to accept me. I was a stranger in a strange land. They had already accepted that I would be different.

Music

While I lived in Korea, I heard foreigners complain about the Music non-stop. Obviously this was before the K-Pop Craze went world-wide. Every foreigner I talked to hated the Korean music. It was too different. The boys wore make-up. They couldn’t understand the words.

I enjoyed most of the Korean music I heard. I collected many albums of H.O.T (High Five Of Teenagers), a popular boy band that reformed later as J.T.L. (with most of the same members). I enjoyed the K-Rap (Not Crap) that was the amazing Yoo Seung Joon. I have never found a musician of similar style. I did ask at every music store I went to though. I enjoyed Drunken Tiger, other artists of many different Genres of Music.

They were different. They were unique. They showed me that Korea was a modern country that didn’t depend on America for its popular media.

But interestingly enough, I also heard a lot of Western music for the first time while there. Many songs and artists I had never heard of were popular there. Michael Learns to Rock, from Denmark is a prime example of this. It was awesome to have this connection tot he world, that just seemed to be missing back in Canada. (Even though we like to pretend we are international)

Work

Everyone I talk to who taught in Korea has some complaint about the country. Hagwons (Cram Schools) not paying on time, Bosses treating them unfairly, or long hours.

I could not relate. Yes, I had a couple of bad bosses, but most of the people I worked with were great people. I had a great relationship with them. I believe it was because I came in knowing that we would have communication problems. If you expect them, you can be open minded, and you can clarify.

If I thought there might be a problem, I would ask. If extra hours were likely, or a strange location, were expected, I would inquire. Most bosses liked that I was upfront with them about my concerns. It helped them understand what I needed, and helped me understand what they needed.

At the time I was there, Korea was used as a “Backpacker’s Bank.” Anyone who spoke English could show up, find a job for a couple of months, and then continue their travels. And this was often the case. Many of the teachers I met were just there to make money, party a lot, and meet girls. Which is fine for the 20 somethings. When you see teachers in their 40s and older doing this, it bugs me. I see this in China still, but not as much due to the drinking culture difference.

Anyways, bosses liked to know that their teachers were not just there to make a quick Won and run away. So communication was the key, even if it was wonky. The effort was very much appreciated.

Language, Innuendo, and odd expressions

When you don’t understand innuendo in Canada, people look at you like your crazy. And some people get so embarrassed that they now have to explain it. Especially if it was a racist, or sexist comment. Often they gave up, or get angry.

When your in a foreign country, and you don’t understand, the people accept it as a regular communication difficulty. They wave it off, and skip it.

This made it easier for me to spend my time with Korean people. The more time I spent with them, the less I felt dumb for not understanding.

As I started learning the language, I started asking questions about the Korean Idioms and expressions. I still don’t understand why one might say “Fun does not exist” instead of “not-fun.” Or what does a Carrot have to do with “of course.” But I accept them.

Just like in English, I cannot understand why someone would want to “Hide a Bed” (A Canadian expression for a sofa bed).

I know now that some of these expressions were misunderstood by me, to my friends amusement. We would go out to do something and be discussing what to do, or where to eat. I would express that something wasn’t interesting to me that day, for whatever reason. My friends would throw out an expression, like “Ok, we won’t do that, Chad hates it.”

I would always feel compelled to explain that no, I did not hate it. If they all wanted that, it was fine, but that TODAY, I was not interested in it. This would always make them smile, and they would rephrase it to “Today Chad doesn’t want this.”

Nobody was offended, they just took it as it was. Chad misunderstood, something, and we needed to be clearer.

Back in Canada, I had friends and people I know get into arguments with me over these same things. And sometimes, i wouldn’t even realize that they were getting angry until someone else pointed it out. My nibling and I had that once. I am sorry I didn’t realize it at the time, until my sister-in-law pointed it out.

My life was great, as long as I could avoid the foreign crowd. Some of them were really nice people, but not all of them understood me.

One perfect example of this came from when I was living in Ulsan. I was a regular at a bar with 1 friend. And there was a Russian lady working there. One night she made the comment that she wanted to see where I lived. So I took her after the bar closed. I showed her the building. She asked to come in. I took her inside. She said she wanted to know me better. I took out a photo album and began to explain what interested me to her. When she told me she was tired, and needed sleep, I gave her the bed, and slept on the floor.

It wasn’t until almost 5 years later that I realized what she was expecting.

After that she seemed to open up and tell me more about her family and friends back in Russia. So That ended positively anyways.

The times this backfired for me.

Another instance of me not understanding people’s intentions lead to a “friend” of mine using me. He figured he could leverage my Language skills for booze and girls.

I had a local friend that found my ability to speak Korean fascinating, and marketable. Let’s call him Ricky. Near the end of our friendship, Ricky would call me up to meet him at some obscure place. I would go and meet him, and we would then be joined by his boss or other older people. They would buy us drinks all night and have a conversation with the Korean speaking foreigner.

Ricky did this at least 5 times before I realized what he was doing. Each time I would offer to pay for my drinks and food, and be told that no. The older gentlemen were paying for everything. Ricky even used this trick to get girls interested in him.

He would call me up, and meet me, and there would be a couple of girls with him. He would drink, and buy for everyone. How he got the money I don’t know. While drinking, the girls would be trying to talk with the two of us, and he would grope them. I left both times he did this. It disturbed me.

Once he dropped by my house drunk, asking to crash. Then offered to call some prostitutes for us. I paid for his taxi back to Incheon.

Ricky is probably the thing I least enjoyed, when I look back at my time there. But I felt bad for him. I honestly thought I could help him become better. And I hope he did become a better person, but I was not able to change him.

Another instance of my ignorance was a girl that I was interested in. We had met in Canada when she studied there, and met again in Seoul. I felt that we were gaining traction and getting closer. She would only call me when she needed something. Homework help, which I didn’t do, or fixing her family computer, or buying her hygiene products.

See to me, asking a guy to buy you hygiene products insinuates that there is a connection there. In Canada that’s not something you trust a stranger, or a guy-friend with.

But the relationship never progressed. Shortly after she returned to North America to continue University, she sent me an email from Texas. The email was asking me to go to her family home and fix her family computer that her brother had broken.

That’s when I realized that I was only a tool to her. I tried to be a good friend and pursued her romantically for a couple of years. There was much more that I did to help her, but that email from Texas convinced me. I was never going to progress past the tool, the minion, the employee. So I relied that I would not, and have not spoken to her since.