Nanay is the Philippine word for “mother”, and as such that is what I always called my mother-in-law. Her real name was Imelda Tagalacia, but I will always remember her as Nanay, and there wil never be another Nanay in my mind. Today would have been her birthday, and I’m ashamed to say I’m not sure of how old she would have been. She will always be the same ageless age that I saw her at last time.

Nanay and I always got along, and we would wake up and have coffee together in the mornings while I visited the Philippines. She was the only adult in the town of Mambog who was not afraid to hold a conversation with me (sober). We would talk about culture differences, day-to-day activities, life experiences, and hopes. We would sit on the 2^nd floor front veranda where we had set up chairs and greet the morning with hot cups of instant coffee (That’s what they drink there).

I sometimes felt that I was the only one she didn’t feel the need to yell at. She yelled at her husband, her children, and other people. I think because she was not a tall woman, people tended to ignore her when she spoke, so she tended to repeat herself, in such a manner that the entire block would hear her. She had a stage performer’s ability to make her voice carry. Her children (Including my wife) didn’t ignore her for long, and it only took 2 times for directions to be carried out.

When my youngest was born, Nanay was on the first plane over to Beijing. She spent 3 months helping out with Sammy and JD. She switched to real coffee (Folger’s every morning). And took care of Irish and the kids. She was so excited when it snowed. She had never seen snow before in her life, so Irish loaned her a jacket, and she took JD out to play in the snow. She was like a big kids herself. She had no problems going to the store by herself and getting things even through the language barrier. She, I hope, had a great time. Unfortunately Immigration wouldn’t let her extend her visa, as she wasn’t MY blood relative, and I was the one working. So at the 3 month period, she headed back to the Philippines.

When she passed, it was quite a shock to all of us. Irish had it the worst of all her sisters, being the oldest. We had to borrow money from my family to pay for the funeral, because her insurance papers where so mixed up that nobody wanted to pay out anything. This was the first time I ever saw someone I knew closely get put in the ground. My wife still, years later, dreams about her mother. Nanay did not have the chance to see what great adults her 2 youngest daughters would turn out to be. She would not get to see her grandchildren go to school. And she would never have morning coffee with me again.

Happy Birthday Nanay, We miss you.

Happy Birthday

When I first returned to Canada I had to do a couple of days work as a day labourer at a steel factory. While there the main boss asked me my opinion of children these days, and of course I told him that kids now are so much better behaved than we were. He called me a liar. I think it is human nature for people to automatically assume their childhood was better than the current generation’s childhood. It is hard to look at childhood objectively as an adult, we tend to remember the good times, not the bad, and yet when we look at the kids today we see the whole picture.

I’d like to set something that is hard for some adults to grasp. Being a kid hasn’t changed. Children still go through the same types of difficulty that we did, and our grandparents did. No matter how many Pink-shirts we wear, there is always going to be kids who bully other kids. There will always be kids that find peace in solitude, or in social gatherings. There will always be kids that are good at sports, and kids that are not. Children still look up to their elders for guidance (We did too, just a lot of kids were not getting guidance when we were young.) They still try to learn about their world. They still believe they know more than their parents.

30 years ago if one of your parents had to travel for work, you saw him once every few weeks or months. He had no parenting influence over you at all. Nowadays, if 1 parent is away, you can still see them daily via skype, or other networking media. They can still help you with homework, and sometimes do. You can still share life with each other. Now there are still parents who refuse to learn such new fandangled technology, but that is like our parents learning to program a VCR’s time. (If you don’t remember VCRs then maybe this article is for people older than you). Kids used to play Super Mario brothers and Street Fighter and Grand Turismo Auto Racing, now they play Super Mario 10, and Mortal Kombat 10 and GTA. We used to sit on the phone talking to our friends (or sitting in silence with them on the line), now they text message each other all the time (on the phone).

What has changed is the world in which the kids are being raised. Parents are becoming more social warriors, and less parents. Most parents work, and with the Canadian economy the way it is, it’s not surprising. But what this means is that in a lot of households, no-one is there to guide the kids afterschool. So instead parents (sometimes) get involved where they can, by advocating anti-bullying days, instead of teaching your kids what is right and wrong and to respect others feelings. They become one-day-heroes, trying to make up for the lost time with a school trip or too. (Our parents did likewise). We as parents do our best to make up for the lost time. And it has become easier to do so in the modern world.

Kids today are being raised in a friendlier, safer, more connected world, and it has had a positive effect on them in comparison to our childhood. They are better educated, have more moral support and have more positive influences than we did. As a result they make fewer mistakes relating to drugs and sex. The awareness of other cultures, orientation, gender and lifestyles has led to less racism, homophobia, sexism, and misinformed bullying. I, as a parent and a teacher am proud of the world we are building for our children, and am looking forward to making it even better as we go.

Trust is possibly the most important thing to have in an advanced society as ours. Trust in other people to do their part, trust in the knowledge that others have. Trust in our society to help those who need it. Trust is absolutely essential to the continued growth of the human race, and its absence is also why I believe our modern society is devolving.

Technological advances have helped us become more self centered, (how many selfies did you take this morning?) and “self-reliant”. I put the last bit in quotes because it is not real self-reliance, we have learned to trust our phones and computers more than other people around us. It is truly sad. We need people to help society. Computers don’t need a society, they have networks.

Last week, for an example, I was sitting at the bus stop and someone had just left the doctors, they had a prescription of something in a bottle. They were staring at their phone, which they had looked up the medication online. I heard them say something along the lines of “I don’t need this” and they tossed the medicine. Now I know that your body is yours and you get to choose what you put into it. However, while you’re at the doctor, why not ask them questions about the meds? If you disagree then the doctor can explain why you need it or if there is alternatives. Doesn’t that sound better than waiting 20 minutes, googling it, reading the first article you find and throwing away something that could be beneficial?

We used to trust that people could do their jobs, whether it was Lawyers, Doctors, Plumbers or Electricians. We would recognize that these people went to school for years to learn to do more than what I find in a 15 minute google search. Now we view these people as greedy. Why trust a lawyer, they’re just going to steal your money. (Hollywood has not helped in this) I’ll just do it myself and fail. (You can replace any profession with this).

We are taught nowadays that everyone is out there just for personal gain, nobody does it for the benefit of others. Well I was raised differently. It is not foolish to believe that someone who has more knowledge and experience in a subject is better than I am at doing things. Admittedly these are still people and I trust that some mistakes will be made, but I trust that they are just that, mistakes. Doctors misdiagnose people a lot less often than plumbers do, and plumbers misplumb houses a lot less often than doctors do.

I know this can be hard for a lot to do, but – If you cannot trust someone, then don’t associate with them. I refuse to be friends with people I can’t trust. If I believe a mechanic or lawyer is not trustworthy, I’ll find a different one. I can’t stand to even hold a conversation with people who mistrust everyone, the conspiracy theorist. The seriously paranoid theorists mistrust everyone, but want everyone to trust them when they tell you things. Trust is a two way street, if I can’t trust you, I’m sure you don’t trust me.

It is important to find people that you can trust, if you cannot trust someone to be honest with you, don’t give them your business. Find an alternative, and if you feel you can’t trust anyone, then maybe the problem isn’t external it’s internal. In which case doing some soul searching might be a good idea. Keep your eyes peeled for signs that someone is trustworthy or not, they are there. Most of the time we ignore the blatantly obvious signs. But don’t kick yourself for it, just pick yourself up, move on, find someone you can trust. Not everyone is trustworthy, but if you can’t tell the difference and believe everyone is untrustworthy, then you will suffer from a very lonely life. Keep your eyes open for these scoundrels and fraudsters. If you can see them coming you can avoid using their services.

I hear a lot lately “Honesty is the best policy” If that were true we would have a lot more wars. There are a lot of times that I need to trust the people around me to keep my secrets, or to say what needs to be said. Honesty tends to destroy self-esteems, and cause depression. You need to trust that people know when to say the right thing, and that the right thing is not always the stone cold honest truth. Honesty is a good policy, but it’s alright to bend the truth for the sake of empathy.

I was thinking of the old adage “Trust has to be earned.” And I disagree. I feel that trust and respect should be given upon 1^st meet. After that it is the recipient’s job to keep both. Don’t trust someone that has proven themselves untrustworthy. Proven to yourself or to a friend. We don’t work for people that don’t trust us, or at least I don’t, and won’t again. We also don’t give jobs to people we don’t trust.

Mistrust has run rampant the last 2 decades and I feel it has gotten out of hand. If we can’t start to trust each other again as a society, and prove that we are worthy of trust, we have no future. It’s that simple.